Shinji and Asuka ending up together is highly fitting, as they are the two characters with the most insurmountable "Absolute Terror" fields hedging their souls. Would such a relationship be abusive? Possibly. Does that mean that it is the wrong thing for them? I don't think so. Rei and Kaoru are what Shinji thinks he wants, but it is quite telling that Rei turns out to be a clone of his mother, and Kaoru is revealed to be a suicidal, self-sacrificing angel. I think that the whole point of Evangelion is that we should not chose "safe" relationships that exist only to nourish us (as in the mother-child relationship) or to validate us (as in any spirtual relationship). God kills himself; the mother rejects. Asuka is another human being, vivid and alive, and utterly separate. It is only with a person such as Asuka that Shinji has any possibility of experiencing a true connection with another human being, because in the end she is just the same as he.

It's true that the movie is very lonely and bleak. The ending is harsh, sad, and when I first saw it a few years ago I found it repellant and alien. But after thinking about it some I later came to the conclusion that I'd never seen anything more wonderful. Period.

I do hope that you give it another chance.